


Sugar And Rainbows

by Kurinai



Category: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-29
Updated: 2012-04-29
Packaged: 2017-11-04 13:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/394214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurinai/pseuds/Kurinai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What was waiting wasn't something I could change." What will she do, now that the lies have been revealed to her ally?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sugar And Rainbows

**Author's Note:**

> This scene occurs in Nautilus, when Sazh learns the truth about Vanille and Fang. It has major spoilers for those who didn't finish chapter 8 in Final Fantasy XIII, so BEWARE!

Why did I even try to run?

My mind was clouded with guilt. I had no place to go to, and I never thought twice about heading back. As time was running out, I would be facing my atonement. The days I lied will come back to haunt me, only this time, there was no turning back. Just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine in the heavy rain. To be honest... I was afraid. Beyond this point, I knew I was sure to be betrayed.

What was waiting wasn't something I could change.

All those actions – all those times I ran away from my own fate caused so many innocent people to suffer. And to think, it was all my fault. It was a heavy burden to deal with. This mess was mine, and it's what I get. I was fleeing to save my own life, too selfish to save another.

I slowly looked back at the entrance from where I came, absorbing the events that happened earlier. One that revealed what I truly am.

~Flashback~

"We did it."

Panting from eliminating the colossal machine, I rested my body by laying my hands on my knees. The man beside me did the same thing.

"Yeah. The enemies we face get more interesting by the minute."

I simply nodded. I was exhausted from the previous battle to even open my mouth to say another word to my ally.

"Daddy, I found you!"

Daddy?

"Huh?"

I heard Sazh take in a gasp. "Dajh?"

Still in my resting form, I tilted my head up to see what was happening. A little boy, with the same crazy hairdo as Sazh, skipped happily up to him and put his arms around his dad's legs. Letting out a surprised gasp as well, I stood there frozen, waiting for the inevitable.

"Daddy, I got you!"

The boy sure seemed happy enough to see Sazh. Then again, anyone would miss their loved ones if they were separated for a long time. It's the same thing with me... and Fang.

"D-Dajh, why are you here?"

"Because you promised, remember?" The little afro-haired boy reassured him.

During their little conversation, I remembered we were practically in a war-zone. This place wasn't safe for small talk, especially for Dajh.

"But...how did you get here?" Sazh, finally getting into the middle of things.

The father brought up his hands, slowly floating over Dajh's face. He was about to hug him, but he resisted. It's like something was pulling him back. Still, Sazh was glad for his son's return, nonetheless. A smile planted onto his lips. Mixed feelings of happiness and sorrow overtook him.

Suddenly, a crystal light appeared under Dajh's feet. They took form into crystallized ice, gradually taking over the child's body.

"Sazh, he's turning into crystal!" I shouted, pointing at the boy's feet while using my free hand to cup it over my mouth.

"No. No no no no! Don't leave me Dajh!" He bawled in grief, putting his hands over Dajh's cheeks.

Dajh was starting to glow. The light became brighter. We all knew what would happen next.

"I love you, Daddy!" With his final words, he turned to crystal. It was a saddening sight for me, let alone Sazh. He fell to his knees, succumbing to the tragic spell of sadness. The crystallized Dajh began floating in mid-air, while Sazh relentlessly struggled to reach him.

"Dajh, wait! Come back!" The man pleaded.

It was all too much. I couldn't bare watching the scene, so I swiveled my head to the side, eyes fixed down at my brown fur pelt skirt.

As the clock struck twelve, an enormous low-toned bell went off. I heard the sound of boots clicking against the ground each passing second. Footsteps. I looked up to see it was soldiers in red-black uniforms. Along with them was a woman who had long blond hair with glasses, and a baton laying beside her waist. As the grieving father mourned for his son, the PSICOM troops came towards us.

"The capture of undesirables," the woman began to explain, "it seems that was your son's focus."

"Dajh fulfilled it admirably, and served Cocoon in the process. Shouldn't you be proud of him, Mr. Katzroy?"

This wasn't fair at all. His only family left was Dajh, yet they used him as a tool. Sazh doesn't deserve this! I regained my balance and walked over to Sazh, and spread my arms away from each other, standing as a wall, protecting anything in harm's way from Sazh. The blond-haired woman stood beside the crystallized Dajh.

"He was a great help. Dajh was able to sense power of Pulse origin. That was how we monitored you. Words cannot express our gratitude."

The woman smirked. I stared her down with my ungrateful eyes, knowing how she broke Sazh and Dajh apart was unforgivable.

"Speaking of gratitude..." She pulled out a device and set it in front of Sazh, activating.

"We enhanced the surveillance footage from the energy plant."

It was showing me and Fang at the Euride Gorge. It was the day we had planned to destroy the fal'Cie, wreaking havoc on Cocoon, which was our Focus. Coincidentally, Dajh appeared there as well. It was the same time he became l'Cie. It was...my fault. If I had only told Fang the truth, we could've avoided this. All of it. Why now?

"Vanille..."

Sazh. There was a sudden change in his tone. It sounded so cold, seeking revenge. This wasn't supposed to happen...

No...

"This young girl's terrorist assault at Euride Gorge is the reason Dajh was made a l'Cie."

No...

"Ironic, isn't it?" The very girl you're protecting..."

No... no...

"...is the one who stole your son."

I whimpered, blocking my ears, not wanting to remember how this started. He knows: I've caused him this pain. This wasn't supposed to happen. Those terrible things I've done... The lies I made up... I...I...

"NO!"

Tears strolled down my cheeks as I fled, running away, as I've always done...I was too scared to look back.

~End Flashback~

I came back to my senses, and looked away. It was too much for me to handle. I lied because I was afraid. Now that Sazh knows the truth, what would become of me?

"You are cold- blooded."

I turned and faced forward. Was it Sazh? No... an image of him. Was my mind against me, too?

"Lying so people would trust you. Using them as shields..." The phantom readied his guns.

Stop reminding me... Please...

"I never meant it! I-I was afraid! I only wanted to protect Fang..." Looking down at my feet, tears started welling up in my eyes.

I've done my share of mistakes. But then again, doesn't everyone?

"I didn't ask for all this! So I-"

"Lied. Ran away. You were- no- you are a coward and a killer. The people you used don't get to live, so why should you?"

He was right. Whenever I found a situation hard to deal with, I just ran away from it. I was so careless. Next thing I knew, the phantom shot his share of bullets. Thinking I would die here and now, I didn't. Although the bullets went right through me, it had the power to swipe me away, making me land on my knees.

"Tired of living with guilt? Then die with it."

With those words, he disappeared without a trace. Should I really just end it and die? I had always gotten in the way and slowed everyone down. I lied to Fang about my memories. I lied to Sazh about how I recognized Dajh. I lied to Serah how it was my fault she was a l'Cie. I just wanted to live, and have a peaceful life. Yet, for some reason, I longed to die. To be released from the pain of guilt and sorrow, to escape this fate of mine. And also, everyone would be happy, that justice would be soon brought. Then, I decided. I would not run away. I will face my punishment.

I heard footsteps getting closer, immediately knowing it was Sazh. He was breathless, and had to take sharp intakes of oxygen to replenish himself. A second or so later, I heard his gun cocking, and I knew what it meant. He pointed his weapon at me with no fear present in him. Only anger, and malevolence.

"Vanille."

I must accept who I am, and what is to become of me. This will be better for everyone. All those innocent people, avenged. This is the least I can do. Please, forgive me...

With no regret, I rose up, and faced towards him. No regrets.

"My name is Oerba Dia Vanille," I explained, "I'm a l'Cie from Gran Pulse. And to everyone on Cocoon... evil."

Lightning flashed before my eyes, in sync with my words. With my arms spread, I continued.

"Shoot me! For your son." It was my mistake. I did steal him, and made him a l'Cie.

"Don't you even!"

What? I thought he wanted me dead. Didn't he want to avenge his son?

"You think you die, and that's that? You think you die and everything becomes 'sugar and rainbows?'"

I was confused. What did he want from me, if it's not death? What else can there be?

I advanced a few steps forwards, and halted. "Then what do you want from me? If I can't live nor die, what do you want me to do?"

My eyes stung from the tears welling up in my eyes again, but I held it back. I didn't want to be called a coward.

"Don't ask me! You figure it out." said Sazh.

I live with so much remorse in my heart, and I can barely move on. What can I do, if I'm already hated and rejected by so many people, people like you, Sazh? How?

STOP IT! Don't make me suffer more when I already feel like I can't hold on...

"I don't know!" I shouted.

By this point, I couldn't stop the tears. I looked up, and let all the tears come out, letting it do all the work.

After this, how will Sazh's relationship with me remain? No... I didn't want to think about it. At least, not now.

I looked back at Sazh, still pointing his gun against me. Now, the looks on his eyes changed. Was it... hopelessness?

He sighed. "Neither do I."

We were both lost. Of all people, why us? Why couldn't we just lead ourselves into normal lives?

"It's over then. There's nothing we can do," turning his back on me.

"Shooting you won't help. Neither will living."

Neither will living'? You don't plan on...

Before I could finish my thought, the man held up his gun to his head. No! He should be pointing his gun at me, not at himself! I was the culprit!

I tried to sprint to him, but my feet stayed stuck, and wouldn't move at all. I squirmed and struggled, but nothing. I can't, I can't let him end his life. Stop! Stop! Trying to scream, nothing came out. Vanille, come on, come on! Feeling traumatized I might see my own comrade commit suicide, I just closed my eyes tightly shut. My mind mentally kicking itself for being able to do nothing, something finally came out.

"Sazh, NO!"

He didn't hear me. I've despised myself for not having a loud voice, and this was one of those times it would come in handy. It would save someone's life...

"Enough... is enough."

As I struggled to scream once more, a shot was all I heard. No... I wouldn't accept it. My screams into helpless whimpers, I slowly began to lose consciousness, bit by bit.

Sa...Sazh...

My body and mind wrestled against each other to not succumb to the lightheadedness. The pressure became stronger, and easily brought me down.

What is to become of me? Of us?

The eternal darkness came over me, and it was much darker than me closing my eyes. It was so lonely...so cold. I had nowhere else to go. I lost my consciousness.

Things will never be the same.


End file.
